We are moms - and that should be enough.

The Unnatural Mom

This blog post struck a cord with me. I really struggled with the fact that I failed to bring Benjamin into the world naturally. In the weeks after he arrived I blamed myself for the need for a c-section. Maybe if I had just pushed harder...or longer... Should I have said no to the epidural? Maybe I didn't handle the contractions properly. Did I do too much to try to induce labor earlier that day? Maybe he wasn't really ready to come yet. 

I also really beat myself up over his blood sugar struggles. The poor thing was stuck in a NICU bed with IVs and cords all over him for 5 days, and I felt like it was all my fault. My diabetes put him there. What if my blood sugar had been in better control during labor? Did I do enough to control my sugars during my pregnancy? Should I have allowed the nurses to regulate my insulin during delivery rather than doing it myself? 

I talked with my OB about the delivery at my 2 week appointment. She helped me understand that the c-section was totally necessary because of Benjamin's size and posterior position. There was absolutely nothing I could've done to help him come naturally. He was in fetal distress, and might not have survived if we hadn't intervened with a c-section. 

Then I talked with my endocrinologist about Benjamin's blood sugar problems. The doctor said in his 20 years of practicing medicine, he had never worked with an expectant mom who had been in better control during her pregnancy. He said he wanted to "frame my lab work papers"! He insisted that I couldn't have done anything more. 

Thankfully I came to terms with everything that happened with the help of my doctors and Chris's support. But it definitely took some time. To all the other moms out there reading - you are doing a great job!! "We are moms - and that should be enough." <3